Monday, January 31, 2011

~ Aku Rindu

Aku rindu pada suara itu
Aku rindu pada perbualan itu
Aku rindu pada hubungan itu
Aku rindu saat kita dahulu
Berkongsi dan mengisi tiap-tiap rompong
yang terbit dalam hati yang gersang.

Akankah saat-saat indah itu kembali
mewarnai hidupku kini?
Bisakah aku berserah pada takdir:
Menunggu hingga kau kembali menegur kehadiranku,
Menunggu hingga kau kembali mengasihiku,
Menunggu hingga kau kembali menerimaku;
Selepas segala kesilapan yang tanpa sedar
telah aku lakukan.

Maafkan aku kasih
Kerna aku tidak bisa memutar semula waktu
Membawa kita semula ke taman yang indah
Yang telah kita cipta bersama
Kerna itu juga yang aku damba

Terimalah aku kembali!
Permohonan yang lahir jauh di lubuk sanubariku ini
Agar suatu hari nanti
Kita dapat bersama semula
Meniti ronak ranjau kehidupan
Mencipta rona dunia bercahaya
Khas buat kita berdua...


Sunday, January 30, 2011

A happy ending??

This holiday season started with a bad notch for me as I have my second argument with someone. I know part of it is my fault but I have no intention of not contacting you. And now, I need to check my ym 24/7 to search for any signs of forgiveness from you. I'm so sorry but I seriously didn't have time to even take out my laptop from my bag and to update my status last Saturday. I'm so sorry that it upsets you so much and now I beg for your forgiveness.

It's like a living hell here for me to wait and wait for any sign of life from you. And consequently, it reflects my life too. I'm in daze everyday, hoping that one day you will talk to me again. And until that day come, I'll keep on praying that you will forgive me and that I'll have a chance to be in your life again.

Yesterday,
The blackness keeps me alive,
Comforting me like
no other mother could ever did,
Bringing a thousand sense of joy
into my dull life.

But today,
This darkness suffocates me to no end,
This silence is killing me to the bottom
of my white bone,
It is bottomless!
I longed for those laughs and 
I wish I'll hear it again,
Soon...

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Maybe the last.

Hello guys. It's been such a long time since I last update my entry here. Below is something that I wrote for Wednesday last week as at that time my friend asked me to write down something positive. Well Adit, I'm sorry but I think this will be the last entry with a hint of positive connotation from me. I don't think I'm capable of producing something useful for others any more. So enjoy this bit...


Drama

Dulu aku sendiri
Membiar semua duri ini terus menusuk
Jauh ke dalam kalbuku
Dulu aku sendiri
Membiar tembok emas ini menutup
Permata dihadapan mataku
Dulu aku sendiri
Mencari kedamaian yang ku sangka azali
Dalam kegelapan yang makin membelenggu

Kini aku kaget dalam drama ciptaanku ini
Menjadi watak-watak yang ku beri makna tersendiri
Yang tak mungkin menjadi realiti
Yang menjadi gelanggang layar perak
Memuaskan kehendak jiwaku;
Perlukah itu?

Perlukah aku menyendiri?
Perlukah aku mengasingi?
Perlukah aku menjauhi?
Atau ini hanya permainan minda yang ku sangka hakiki.

Suatu masa nanti!
Sempatkah aku melihat masa itu
Merasa denyutan nadinya
Menghilang dalam kelembutan geraknya
Bersatu dengan gemalai detiknya...

Mampukah aku menanti
Kewujudan kuasa yang akan menarikku
Keluar dari kabus
Yang telah ku pupuk sebati
Menjadi sebahagian dari identiti diriku kini
Menimbus rompong kemanusiaan
Perlukah aku menanti?

Untuk siapa aku berdiri menghala ke destinasi
Pilihan aku sendiri
Untuk siapa aku bermimpi kebebasan abadi
Ciptaan ilahi
Untuk siapa aku bernafas menyekat tapis
Norma janji

Pastinya kini aku dewasa untuk
Terus mengorak langkah mencipta
Sejarah baru hidup dalam kawanan
Insan bernama manusia.

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Dark-red veil

Never thought tonight will end
With that scary note; Cutting through my soul
Letting the green moisture drips to my knee
I’ve fought for this long enough
Hoping one bright day might finally come
Immersing my life
To be taken to the next world peacefully

These eyes have shown me the truth
Of that ugly monster hiding
Inside that stunning angel
That devil wrapped neatly
Under those wrinkle; Oh, have mercy!

You can dig my heart to be left opened
You can crush my feeling to be thrown
You can tear my skin to fed the unknown

But you’ll never be safe
For I know your weaken soul
For I crave that bloody bode
For I swear on that stone

I’ll take my revenge
Once and for all.


(Don't be scared by this peeps. This was written months ago.)

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Will and hope

Is it time yet for me
Is this the end of the suffering?
Is this the perfect answer?
Or is it the only way out of this cage
No one knows the exact reason but me
And why is it left hanging by this fractured thread

Do I have a reason to live?
Do I have any motivation left?
Why do me questioning this life
Am I that ungrateful?
Or I simply do not care as the wind blow anymore

Each breath I took
Each step I created
Each memory I carved
Each touch I craved
Each faith I once believed
Each eye that have been the silent killer

Each of those is now meaningless
As I don’t have any will to correct them
Letting them stroke by the gentle thunder
As if they could shatter this malice
Into pieces

Come what may
I’m letting this free
To fly and soar to the front of the heaven’s door
As that’s as far as I’m allowed to go...



Sunday, January 09, 2011

KYUEM

This hour is the second hour I'm in KY. I'm missing my home already... There's a lot of things that I need to leave at home in order to make this stay more educational. Do I??? Whatever it is, I'm now entering my last semester in KY which means I need to focus more to get the best result possible. With all the university application have been replied, what left now is for me to prove to all those universities that I'm the best candidate as one of their students.


It's been already about a month since the last time I need to put my room in order (so to speak). I'm quite tired right now as I didn't have much sleep last night. In fact, I haven't sleep since 12 pm yesterday. After the AJL 25 last night, I literally have to move by butt off to pack all of my things (1 big bag with about 4 small bags). That's a lot!

I still have tons of homework undone and I need to complete them by tonight. Seems like I'm not going to have my beauty sleep tonight... lol. Just finished unpacking my stuff and now I'm just chillexing (is this word already in the dictionary?) I'm going to start the homework in the afternoon. Hopefully, by that time I've regain all my strength and will to study again...

That's all for now peeps. Till we see again in the next post. Maybe I'll post one of my 'words' next time. Till then, bye...