Cooking!!!

Lol, yes that's true. Today I actually cook 'Nasi Lemak' (well, without the sambal)... It's so funny and I do think that I've done a good job at it. Even though I forgot to put in some salt into the rice, lol... And my 'telur rebus' became half-cooked egg, it is still an exhilarating experience for me. And it is true that I need more practice in the kitchen. What better place to start learning than here in the hostel :)

Here's the outcome :)

The first 'Nasi Lemak' I've ever cooked  in my life. With none other than 'sambal sardin', lol...

p/s: Really hope the boiled egg come out nicely next time :)

Thorn apart

If only I could shout right now, I'll shout out your name

If only I can turn back the time, I'll rotate the world back to when we met

If only I'm not stupid, I'll tell you what my heart say

I love you, please take me back...

I love you

Yes, that's the fact... I LOVE YOU so much, it hurts... I know I'm stupid for saying that I want us to just be friends... But please, I was hurt before and now I'm afraid of letting others into my cave again... I know I'm stupid for declining your honest intention but please forgive me... If there's still a chance for me to prove myself to you, then I will hold that opportunity close to my heart... I really need you in my life... I want you to show me the real beauty of being in love... And I want to share my life with you... Would you still allow me into your heart one more time?

I'm afraid if this realisation comes too late to my mind because I don't think I can live when you have someone else in your arms, loving them like how I should be loved... I can't afford to experience that or I'll surely collapse and shatter to pieces... I love you... The lonely time on the plane today reminds me of how I love being myself in your presence... I love you and there's no doubt about that... I love you with every fibre of my being...

I hope you can tell me; rather show me what a relationship is all about... I'm young and inexperience in love... Yes, I have lust but I hope your presence in my life can help me to channel them in the correct and loving way... I love you and it hurts being away from you... I longed for the touch, the kiss, but most importantly, YOU...

I'm scared when you didn't reply my texts... Is this the end of my possible love of a lifetime? Is this the end for us? Is this where we drift apart? Is this when I should bury my love? Is this the moment that I will regret for the rest of my life? Please, I need to talk to you... But if you think I'm too late, annoying, and an obstacle for you to find your one true love, I have no right whatsoever to push you to talk to me or even to reconsider me to be the one...

I love you... I know that loving doesn't mean having, but I want to have you in my life... I cannot be your friend only because I want more than that... I'm breaking into pieces every second, waiting for your answer and I know this is how you feel that day... I love you and I'm not ready to walk away...

Jealousy

"Jealousy is nothing more than a fear of abandonment."

I've read this in the internet and I'm still thinking, "Am I having the signs of jealousy right now?"... I sincerely cannot answer this right now. I feel like I was torn apart . I'm clueless, I'm in pain, I'm sad, I feel alone, I feel abandoned! There, I said it... I'm really scared of my feelings right now..

The person is meeting another person tonight (though it might be a total different situation). Perhaps, I really, truly love that person...

I'm scared of being left alone, again... But maybe this is for the best... The person needs their own space in life, another person who can commit to them and another person who can be easily seen in real life... not this long distance thing... Thankfully I'm going back to Kuching tomorrow, if not, I can't even think of ways to face this emotion any more... I'm going back to my sanctuary and perhaps I could stay there peacefully.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Nothing feels right any more,

Nothing feels safe any more,

I'm an open book

Ready to be explored,

Never in my life, I think of myself being in this scary spot...

Perhaps I'm right,

This is love; the one thing that everyone dreamed of,

But I don't think I'm that strong,

To have the courage to withstand this fire

To have the will to pass through the danger...

I'm flying, again,

Running away from the impending heartbreak,

Saving my little heart from shattering to pieces,

Stepped on by the wind,

Swept away by the ocean...

I'm letting myself go,

Away from the possible happiness,

Away from the possible damage,

Saving everyone but myself,

Leaving me in this doom,

For the hundredth time...