Jealousy

"Jealousy is nothing more than a fear of abandonment."

I've read this in the internet and I'm still thinking, "Am I having the signs of jealousy right now?"... I sincerely cannot answer this right now. I feel like I was torn apart . I'm clueless, I'm in pain, I'm sad, I feel alone, I feel abandoned! There, I said it... I'm really scared of my feelings right now..

The person is meeting another person tonight (though it might be a total different situation). Perhaps, I really, truly love that person...

I'm scared of being left alone, again... But maybe this is for the best... The person needs their own space in life, another person who can commit to them and another person who can be easily seen in real life... not this long distance thing... Thankfully I'm going back to Kuching tomorrow, if not, I can't even think of ways to face this emotion any more... I'm going back to my sanctuary and perhaps I could stay there peacefully.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Nothing feels right any more,

Nothing feels safe any more,

I'm an open book

Ready to be explored,

Never in my life, I think of myself being in this scary spot...

Perhaps I'm right,

This is love; the one thing that everyone dreamed of,

But I don't think I'm that strong,

To have the courage to withstand this fire

To have the will to pass through the danger...

I'm flying, again,

Running away from the impending heartbreak,

Saving my little heart from shattering to pieces,

Stepped on by the wind,

Swept away by the ocean...

I'm letting myself go,

Away from the possible happiness,

Away from the possible damage,

Saving everyone but myself,

Leaving me in this doom,

For the hundredth time...