Maybe the last.

Hello guys. It's been such a long time since I last update my entry here. Below is something that I wrote for Wednesday last week as at that time my friend asked me to write down something positive. Well Adit, I'm sorry but I think this will be the last entry with a hint of positive connotation from me. I don't think I'm capable of producing something useful for others any more. So enjoy this bit...

Drama

Dulu aku sendiri

Membiar semua duri ini terus menusuk

Jauh ke dalam kalbuku

Dulu aku sendiri

Membiar tembok emas ini menutup

Permata dihadapan mataku

Dulu aku sendiri

Mencari kedamaian yang ku sangka azali

Dalam kegelapan yang makin membelenggu

Kini aku kaget dalam drama ciptaanku ini

Menjadi watak-watak yang ku beri makna tersendiri

Yang tak mungkin menjadi realiti

Yang menjadi gelanggang layar perak

Memuaskan kehendak jiwaku;

Perlukah itu?

Perlukah aku menyendiri?

Perlukah aku mengasingi?

Perlukah aku menjauhi?

Atau ini hanya permainan minda yang ku sangka hakiki.

Suatu masa nanti!

Sempatkah aku melihat masa itu

Merasa denyutan nadinya

Menghilang dalam kelembutan geraknya

Bersatu dengan gemalai detiknya...

Mampukah aku menanti

Kewujudan kuasa yang akan menarikku

Keluar dari kabus

Yang telah ku pupuk sebati

Menjadi sebahagian dari identiti diriku kini

Menimbus rompong kemanusiaan

Perlukah aku menanti?

Untuk siapa aku berdiri menghala ke destinasi

Pilihan aku sendiri

Untuk siapa aku bermimpi kebebasan abadi

Ciptaan ilahi

Untuk siapa aku bernafas menyekat tapis

Norma janji

Pastinya kini aku dewasa untuk

Terus mengorak langkah mencipta

Sejarah baru hidup dalam kawanan

Insan bernama manusia.

Dark-red veil

Never thought tonight will end

With that scary note; Cutting through my soul

Letting the green moisture drips to my knee

I’ve fought for this long enough

Hoping one bright day might finally come

Immersing my life

To be taken to the next world peacefully

These eyes have shown me the truth

Of that ugly monster hiding

Inside that stunning angel

That devil wrapped neatly

Under those wrinkle; Oh, have mercy!

You can dig my heart to be left opened

You can crush my feeling to be thrown

You can tear my skin to fed the unknown

But you’ll never be safe

For I know your weaken soul

For I crave that bloody bode

For I swear on that stone

I’ll take my revenge

Once and for all.

(Don't be scared by this peeps. This was written months ago.)

Will and hope

Is it time yet for me

Is this the end of the suffering?

Is this the perfect answer?

Or is it the only way out of this cage

No one knows the exact reason but me

And why is it left hanging by this fractured thread

Do I have a reason to live?

Do I have any motivation left?

Why do me questioning this life

Am I that ungrateful?

Or I simply do not care as the wind blow anymore

Each breath I took

Each step I created

Each memory I carved

Each touch I craved

Each faith I once believed

Each eye that have been the silent killer

Each of those is now meaningless

As I don’t have any will to correct them

Letting them stroke by the gentle thunder

As if they could shatter this malice

Into pieces

Come what may

I’m letting this free

To fly and soar to the front of the heaven’s door

As that’s as far as I’m allowed to go...

KYUEM

This hour is the second hour I'm in KY. I'm missing my home already... There's a lot of things that I need to leave at home in order to make this stay more educational. Do I??? Whatever it is, I'm now entering my last semester in KY which means I need to focus more to get the best result possible. With all the university application have been replied, what left now is for me to prove to all those universities that I'm the best candidate as one of their students.

It's been already about a month since the last time I need to put my room in order (so to speak). I'm quite tired right now as I didn't have much sleep last night. In fact, I haven't sleep since 12 pm yesterday. After the AJL 25 last night, I literally have to move by butt off to pack all of my things (1 big bag with about 4 small bags). That's a lot!

I still have tons of homework undone and I need to complete them by tonight. Seems like I'm not going to have my beauty sleep tonight... lol. Just finished unpacking my stuff and now I'm just chillexing (is this word already in the dictionary?) I'm going to start the homework in the afternoon. Hopefully, by that time I've regain all my strength and will to study again...

That's all for now peeps. Till we see again in the next post. Maybe I'll post one of my 'words' next time. Till then, bye...

YES!!!

Actually, I'm not as excited as the title shows. I only took the title due to the Year End Sale (YES) that is happening all over Malaysia right now (lol). In about four and a half hours from now, we will step into a whole new year with hopefully a whole new chances for us all to improve ourselves academically, physically or even spiritually. All these elements will promise us a shining future only if we strive to maximise their potential.

Well, I'm not here to talk (again) about the importance of coordination in our lives but mostly about our pasts. 2010 will leave us but there're 1001 stories marked in it. From the first second of 2010 till now, there're thousands of experiences; happy or sad, good or bad, on friendship, on love life, on family trouble or even our inner self dilemma; have put a significant role in creating at least an ounce of what we're today. Experience is a very big word in a human life.

Sometimes we matured from those incidents, sometimes we learnt something from them but sometimes we're so ignorant of what happened around us that at one point, when the same thing repeats itself on us, we chose to blame the fate and time. Is it fair for us to put the blame (literally) on others? "Life s***s!" "Life is unfair!" "I'm ****ing tired of life!" Is this our attitude after winning the ultimate race of living in our mother's womb. How ungrateful we are!

I think enough with the serious talk. This year I've learnt about love; loving others as well as loving myself and learning on how to let our beloved go. It is painful but I believe that if we love someone, we would surely want that person to be happy although it means we're back in the market (so to speak). Is it wrong to love? I've learnt from someone near the end of this year that love does not mean that we should be with the person forever. There're a lot of obstacles in love and at my current stage (a student), it is better for me to create a spider web of friends first.

As what the ancestors say, "Keep thousands of friends but love only one." It is true that love phase is mind blowing, amazing, breathtakingly beautiful and so many other metaphor and romantic description that was used to explain the feelings and emotion turmoil of the lovers. But, friendship is what remain till the end of our lives. It is our friend that will pray for us on our death bed and they're also the one who guide us and make us whoever we are in the future.

I've also learnt about the importance of time. The death of two people in my friends cycle really opened up my eyes that we will never live forever. We will never have a happy day forever and we will never be with a person forever and ever as we're mortal and we're bound to meet the Creator.

I'm shivering when I'm writing this as we will never know when it is our turn to meet Him. It is kind of creepy but at the same time, it makes me realise that I should make the best out of every second that in ticking in my life. Not one second wasted as each and every second is so precious as long as we breath. Farewell 2010 and welcome 2011.

I'll leave this year with a section of my poem;

"Life is cruel, life is unfair,

Life is hurtful and full of despair,

But life is also shimmering like Eden's flair,

As long as we're thankful for each intake of air"

Time Flies

Holidays are coming to an end (where did the time goes). There's almost nothing productive happened in this past one month. How time is easily wasted without we even realise it. Less than two weeks time, I'll arrive back at my sanctuary named Lembah Beringin, Selangor. It's time for me to focus again and this time for the better.

Once again, I've become a so-called tourist guide to my friend from Selangor. He wanted to explore the World Heritage City of Melaka. So, the best way is to find him a cheap budget hotel which is also only in walking distance to all the main historical sites around Melaka. It is a relatively new hotel which was opened on 15th December 2010 with the name Travellers Planet.

It sure is a great experience for him and also for me as I finally know how to go to a certain destinations in Melaka from a different starting point (I'm not very good with the road in Melaka, lol). We also managed to ate one of the best 'Asam Pedas' in Melaka with a very reasonable price. However, we failed to go to any 'Medan Ikan Bakar' in Melaka as we don't have enough time and also due to the traffic jam caused by the national Christmas celebration at the Portuguese Settlement.

All in all, it is a great weekend for me as I've also learnt that GPRS is a very useful technology especially for a traveller and also for those who finally have the urge to explore their own home town (lol).

Last but not least, the holiday season is coming to an end which also means a whole new year will starts and bring 1001 experiences to us. Hopefully, this coming year will bring us all a great opportunity to improve ourselves  mentally, physically and spiritually to help us in achieving any goal that we have set before. It is a continuous race in life to achieve anything that we want. Don't give up and the success might be ours.

As the saying goes,

"All talk and no actions make Jack a dull boy."

Permata Seni

Hello.

Did you guys watch TV2 just now. The young generation of Malaysia is so talented! It is a shame that this 'Permata Seni' program does not exist when I'm still in the age group (8-15 years old). LOL. I so wanted to perform at Istana Budaya, perhaps in the dance group. It is nice to know that there are still movements, clubs or even societies that have the initiative to preserve the culture of Malaysians. Nowadays, rap and hip hop have bombastically invaded our nation. As a cultural person, I'm so proud of the 'Permata Seni' group as it is the living proof that our own traditional culture will not be washed out by the flow of time.

Today, I've check my email and FINALLY Heriot-Watt gave me the conditional offer for the second year entry with AAB requirement. I'm so happy! The one university that I wanted to go the most finally reply my application with a good news. Right now, there's only one thing that I need to focus on which is homework. I originally found homeworks so tedious but I have come to my senses where homework actually is another form of revision that I have always use in the past years and right until now I have neglected the fact that knowledge is the key to success.

As my college song sounds;

"Knowledge is the key to freedom,

Study is the road to truth"

p/s: If there's any mistake on that please tell me.

So, Heriot-Watt here I come.

Last but not least;

"Someone who forget history are bound to repeat them"

- George Santayana