I'm an emo?

Hi guys, it's good to write something again although there's no one who will care about anything that I've wrote here. As I've said before, it's my sanctuary so I can write anything that I want here. He3, enough with all those nonsense, we'll go straight to the core of this post.

I believe I'm an emo. Ha3, go figure. Sometimes I'll feel very happy and in a second I'll become moody. Is there's any explanation on this change of mood. It's like a mood swing (though I'm never going to have period - lol).

To be more specific, I don't feel a damn thing right now. I know I'm quite disappointed with my performance in my recent final papers but all those regrets and remorse disperse simply just like the bubble on the beach. Am I being ignorant of my own feelings or am I simply don't care any more about my life. I'm miserable but I went through life as nothing is wrong. At one point or another, I feel like I'm living a pathetic life but that is the challenge that I need to face to have a meaningful life. Right?

I so don't know what to do right now even though this is my final examination week. I so don't have the will to push myself any more. Will I regret this moment later in my life? Can I simply shut my eyes and ignore everything that revolves around me? I seriously hope I could.

God, help me as I'm truly lost right now!

What am I going to be?

Hello guys. How's your week so far? Hope everything is good. Moving on to my topic for today; What am I going to be in 5 years time? Some of us might think that this is not a question to be asked to a 20 years old person. However, as wise man says "Our step today decides where we will land tomorrow." It is such a simple question but it is very hard to answer.

There's only one reason why I'm asking this.

1) I'm starting to doubt the choice of my future career!

I'm in a very massive dilemma whether to still involve myself in the world of numbers or take a 180' turn into the literature world. Why future is so complicated? Why can't it be as simple as choosing an ice cream flavour?

I'm at a junction which I seriously hate!

Btw, tomorrow I'll be facing my toughest paper of all time; Further Maths Applied. Am I ready yet? I really hope I am ready but again, NO SLEEP FOR ME TONIGHT!

p/s: Just hope that I'll not be late to the exam hall as my previous Further Maths Pure paper...

Rolling in the deep

Sorry guys, I'm freaking cold right now in the IT Lab although this is Malaysia (I wonder how freezing it could be out there in Scotland). Enough with that, I think that this is a very nice song to be sang (feels like singing it out loud right in this room - lol). Here it is, Adele...

There's a fire starting in my heart,
Reaching a fever pitch and it's bring me out the dark.
Finally I can see you crystal clear
Go ahead and sell me out and I'll lay your ship bare.

See how I'll leave, with every piece of you
Don't underestimate the things that I will do.

There's a fire starting in my heart,
Reaching a fever pitch and it's bring me out the dark.

The scars of your love, remind me of us.
They keep me thinking that we almost had it all
The scars of your love, they leave me breathless
I can't help feeling
We could of had it all
Rolling in the deep
You had my heart inside your hand
And you played it
To the beat

Baby I have no story to be told
But I've heard one of you and I'm gonna make your head burn,
Think of me in the depths of your despair
Making a home down there as mine sure won't be shared

The scars of your love, remind you of us.
They keep me thinking that we almost had it all
The scars of your love, they leave me breathless
I can't help feeling
We could of had it all

Rolling in the deep
You had my heart inside your hand
And you played it
To the beat

We could of had it all
Rolling in the deep
You had my heart inside your hand
But you played it
With a beating

Throw your soul threw every open door
Count your blessings to find what you look for
Turn my sorrow into treasured gold
You pay me back in kind and reap just what you sow

We could of had it all
We could of had it all
We could of had it all
Rolling in the deep
You had my heart inside your hand
And you played it to the beat

We could of had it all
Rolling in the deep
You had my heart inside your hand

But you played it,
You played it,
You played it
You played it to the beat

EXAMS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WTF..... Why the heck the questions are so hardddd.....

I know that it is partly my fault (fornotstudyingenoughandfocusinthenotes). But still, I didn't study that much for last year's papers but I still manage to get good result on harder papers... Urggghhhh. I'm so stress right now. I just hope that I can compensate my faults these past years in my next paper. Further Maths Applied... God help me as I'm begging You to grant me this wish; I want to fly to UK. Begging without any effort from my side will not gives me anything. So, starting from today, STUDY and don't procrastinate. It's a waste of 2 years if I didn't fly at the end... Hu3...

p/s: This is more of a reminder for me as it is also for others, STUDY!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jendela

Mungkin kau telah bosan

Bersandiwara di pentas tanpa pelita

Mungkin kau telah temui

Cahaya neon penghias dunia duka

Kelam tapi tenteram

Seperti hatiku di saat ini.

Dia hadir setelah semuanyaku kambus

Ku tanam sedalam mungkin jauh ke dasar hati

Kerna aku tak sanggup - 

merintih lagi.

Menunggu ombak segar pabila tsunami

Namun dia merubah dan menggubah

Semuanya menjadi mungkin.

Datangnya tak pernah aku duga

Namun kelopak mawar itu takkanku persia

Segalanya mungkin hilang setelah seketika

Namun harumannya akanku puja sepanjang masa

Aku tak berani membuka semua pintu hatiku

Cukuplah sekadarku selak jendela

Untuk kebahagiaan itu bertapak semula.

Penakut?

Ya, itu aku. Tapi takutku punya pengertian

Bukan omongan kosong yang menjengkelkan

Bukan prasangka yang tidak beralasan

Bukan kiasan menutup kekhilafan

Aku dalam penuh kesedaran

Membina angan-angan yang aku harap

Takkan berkecai.

Semuanya kini aku serahkan pada-Mu

kerna...

Aku cinta padamu.

Sometimes

Sometimes I wonder why did

All these things happened

Yesterday’s rain drop keeps on spitting those curses

On this otherwise fragile land

Whom life depends on the stars

Bringing me back to six feet under

The extravagant towers, suffocating him

To no end.

Perhaps this is his destiny on this journey

Flew like the wind; unseen

Leaving marks for others but nothing left

For himself. They think it’s fair.

“The world revolves continuously whether you like it or not,

And your mere existence causes nothing.”

Like an arrow from the inferno

Stabbing me straight to the core.

Do I have one?

Keep on searching but not looking

Keep on targeting but not aiming

Keep on chanting but not listening

Where does that put us?

A lab rat ready to be sacrificed, willingly or not

I’m jealous of the rascal under the harbour stairs

Hidden yet successful

In making its own existence known

He’ll climb the stairs - halfway

Then turns back forever just like the previous affairs

Leaving me stuck on the bottomless pit

Of a black hole -

Alone.

Hati

Berkata pada yang melihat,

berbisik pada yang mendengar,

Berlagu pada yang rindu,

Bertasbih pada yang satu,

Mampukah aku terus hidup dalam kepompong nafsu,

Yang membakar hingga mati semua zarah kecilku.

Aku tahu itu semua salahku, silapku, khilafku,

Namun masih adakah ruang untuk kuperbetul

Semua rongga yang telah aku tebuk dengan sepenuh nyawa

Masih adakah ruang untukku bernafas semula,

Masih adakah tinta untuk ku sebar pada semua,

Bahawa aku juga insan biasa.

Tersimpang aku dari jalan itu bukan hanya kerna dia,

Bukan hanya kerna mereka,

Bukan hanya kerna dunia,

Tapi kerna aku terleka dengan mainan mata,

Yang sentiasa menggoda, menarik, memujuk,

Agar aku jatuh ke lembah noda.

Aku masih sedar gerakan tanganku,

Aku melihat langkah kakiku,

Aku merasa kelembutan itu,

Namun hatiku terus membatu kelu,

Mengeras bagai berlian hitam yang tak mungkin terpecahkan,

Mungkinkah?

Adakah masih ada waktu untukku kembali pada hari itu,

Hari aku tercipta hanya untuk memohon,

Aku tak mampu!

Kiniku hanya menunggu waktu dan ketika,

Detik akhir untukku katakan pada semua,

"Jangan dirindui diri ini kerna aku tak layak menerimanya."